All Good Things...

School is starting again which means my stress level with be increasing which means I'll need some where to get it all out which means...the blog is back! I've taken a short break for several reasons. 1) My life during the summer is super boring. 2) I took an amazing trip and didn't have access to the Internet. And 3) I am a lazy piece of crap. The great thing about not writing for a long time is that people stop checking it (not that anyone was) and now it's like I'm starting over again...except I'm not.

I have a couple things to talk out. One is about Navy. He's a guy I knew in college and when I say "knew" I use that term very loosely because I didn't really know him at all. He lived with one of my best friend. After college, I moved into this supercool house and he happened to be my neighbor. We didn't talk much because his girlfriend had a ton of body art and would give me really mean looks. Now, he's moved out and his angry girlfriend is no more. We've been hanging out for awhile...as he put it, "More committal than non." What does that mean? Not sure. I think it means I can't date anyone else which is okay because the buffet is limited around here. Anyway, yesterday he told me that he got his draft notification for the Navy which pretty much means that if the US decides to get involved with the whole Russia/Georgia thing, he'll be going. At first I shrugged. Things like that can't be helped and I don't like to worry about things without a cause or until I have to. But then I started to think about it. I'm not sure why but I kinda like this kid. Maybe because he's different and vulgar and he makes me laugh. Either way, I'd be sad if he left. We were napping (he works nights and I like to sleep) and I had this weird dream about him leaving. I got super freaked out (I'm not sure why) and felt all trapped...like I couldn't breathe so I just left. I made up some story about something totally different and left. Already I'm doing the whole pushing him away thing. I don't like to talk to him now...maybe because I realize I'm getting attached and to be honest, that freaks the crap out of me. I don't get attached...not after a month. In normal life, I would be breaking up with him next week. Instead, I'm...not. How exactly do I stop this weird cycle of me pulling away or pushing away anyone who comes near me? You'd think there would be a switch or some sort of button I could push.

Or maybe I'm just making this my worry so I don't have to focus on school. Sometimes I do that. I pick something else to focus on so I don't have to look at what is really bothering me and this idea of going back to school is bothering me. I think that might make me a bad teacher but I just can't figure out how to get excited. How do I change my heart and my attitude...in less than 7 days? My shoulders are already tight, my head is already pounding and I can already see my normal life slipping thorugh my fingers. They say all good things must end...and that sucks.