To Be Honest

I need to be honest about a couple things. I've been hanging out with this guy. We've went out a couple times and I enjoy his company. We've already had the hard conversations and I've seen and heard enough to know that there could be a foundation for this relationship. But it's going to fast. Or maybe I'm just going to slow. I'm not sure which. Or maybe any pace at all scares me because I've been sitting still for so long. Also? He's not cute. Not even a little. He has the worst teeth of anyone I've ever met. And that matters but it doesn't matter enough to really affect me. For some reason, however, I thought it was an important note. I needed to be honest about that.

Also, I need to be honest about this. There are three reasons why I am choosing not to date anyone until the end of July. 1) It slows things down which, for whatever reason, is something I need. 2) I'm traveling across the country and I don't want or need anyone to babysit. I don't want to call every 10 minutes. I don't want to fight over the phone. I want to enjoy the trip. He asked my reason and I blamed it on Cousin. I told him it was her idea. And the final, and worst reason is 3) If when I am on the trip, I find someone amazing to hang out with, or more reasonably, I decide to approach the topic of the past with Pitt, I will be able to say what needs to be said without feeling reservations...or at least without feeling the reservations that I would feel otherwise.

He asked me tonight about my pace in relationships and I sat for a moment thinking, "I think it's been so long that I don't even remember my pace." In most recent months, I've dated but it's never gone far or lasted long or meant much. Don't misunderstand, I'm not meaning to jump the gun on this one. I think mostly, I am not able to enjoy the summer and that means I have more time to think. I'm not sure how I like this.