World of Jerks

it's been awhile since i've spoke. i guess i'll do that now. the last two weeks of my life have been a complete blur. it seems like i'm jumping from one thing to the next and not doing anything especially well. i hate that all people are sinful. you are. i am. the thing is, we all know we are. i hate that kids are sinful too. they seem so great and innocent and i really want to believe that they are innocent...but they aren't. they lie and steal. it depresses me that kids, even the cute, fun ones, are sinful.

i've seen the sinfulness...maybe moreso recently in my students. they lie...about anything. and i think it disguists me because i lie...about alot of things. it's amazing how painful it is to realize things about oneself by looking at others. i want these kids to know that lying can ruin their lives. i want them to understand that it is a terrible habit. i want them to realize that there can be consequences. and really, i want to be able to trust them. i want to be able to look them in the eye and believe what they say to me...and i can't. but i only blame them a little. i blame their parents for showing them how to lie...and not so much for that but for letting their children watch as they lie. i wonder if we are born with lying in our veins. i wonder if it is something we acquire just by being alive. i wonder, honestly, if there is anyone who has not lied. i wish i was that person. and if i was that person, i hope people would want to be like me...and not so much like me...but more like something that is bigger than me. mostly, i wish the world wasn't full of jerks.